Writing in the Midst of Life

I heard back from one agent! Funny thing is after reading his email I didn’t feel any real emotion! I guess because it was neither a rejection or an acceptance. To paraphrase he said, good start, good hook, good story…then he suggested two things:

1) that I find a fiction editor to help me tighten my writing. (Sounds reasonable if I can afford it!)

2) That my married protag becomes single and finds a love interest. AKA Romantic suspense!

ACK! That number two got me! Not because I’m not open to changing and editing, BUT I don’t want my protag to be single. I don’t want to write a romantic suspense. I don’t want to feel like I’m selling out for an easy sell!

Does that make sense? I don’t really enjoy reading romantic suspenses so why would I want to write one? For me, they’re too predictable. Single protag has issues with single guy, they dance around their attraction…maybe while solving a murder or running for a killer…until they realize their love…before or after the hero saves her! Sorry to all your romantic suspense lovers, but BLECK!

I can see where this agent is coming from. He says it would make my story an easier sell! And he’s right. So there in lies the decision. Do I want to make it an easier sell just for the sake of getting published, OR do I want to stick with my heart and leave this story as is? I have another story that is a mystery with an element of romance, and I’m fine with that one because that’s how I wrote it.

If I changed this current WIP to a single protag, it changes the whole motivation and makes it weaker in my opinion. Plus the issues she faces with attractions toward an other man (yes, why she’s still married! Come on, I know there are people out there married with old loves they just quite haven’t gotten over) wouldn’t be as edgy and complicate to the story.

But I’m not too concerned at this point. I want to mull it over, let it simmer, and see what the other agent has to say. Maybe when I do, I’ll start to feel the agita in the pit of my stomach. Until then…life is sweet!

I sent it off! Two weeks ago. After polishing and editing and correcting and polishing, I sent it off to the two agents who requested it! You can read all about what happened it those agent meetings at ACFW in early posts under CONFERENCES!

But it’s off and I have such a peace! At this point (just sending it off) I’m not anxious. Not. Anxious. At. All! Maybe this is God setting me up for a huge red light on my writing. And if so, at this point in time, I’m okay with it. Of course, I’ll still be writing and plotting stories in my head. But my drive to be published isn’t there. All in God’s time! And I have such a peace about it.

I’ve realized that during my pursuit to publication over these last four years, I’ve missed out so much with my children. Being a divided mom has made me a not-so-good mom, oftening choosing the computer instead of spending time PLAYING with my children. I’m hoping to change that this summer…and get my house in order…physically, emotionally, and spiritually!

So is this the beginning or the slowing down of my writing career. Only God knows. How I wish I was one of those mom who can really do it all! But I’m beginning to see, I can’t. At least not know, and I’m okay with that. If I get an agent, if I get a contract, I will learn to juggle it all. But I only want it if God thinks it’s best for my family. Your will be done, Lord.

I don’t say that lightly. Infact, I say that with tears in my eyes beause I know He could be closing the door on this season of publication pursuing! And I’m okay with that! At least, I’m okay with that right now!

It’s like that old saying, “Too many cooks spoil the broth.”

I’m at that point in my WIP where I’m doing last minute tweaking and trying to get feedback from lots of different people in anticipation of sending it off in a couple days/weeks! It’s been a long time since I sent something off, mainly because I haven’t had a finished WIP to send off. God interrupted my last WIP, the one I became so obsessed with publication while writing it. But before God held up his divine stop sign, I was right where I am now. Steeped in insecurity, wanting my WIP to be perfect, but slowly realizing I could send it out to 100 people and everyone will have a different opinion.

I’m not really a perfectionist. It’s just I’ve sent stuff out before it was ready and got several rejections. I blew it with a certain WIP and certain publishing houses and the lesson taught me not to rush things. Now I’m going on seven months of edits since the agents requested it at ACFW, and I’m feeling the pressure to get it out ASAP.

My biggest fear: That the WIP I’ve just spent the last 18 months on will not even get a full manuscript request and though I know it’s a journey, my fear is I might not have the energy (or family support emotionally and financially) for the next leg of the journey.

I haven’t looked at my WIP in about a week due to school responsibilities. I’m going to sneak a peak today while Grace (5) is in gymnastics. My last crit was good. It was from someone who really didn’t connect with my main character. It was from a friend and Genesis finalist, someone who I respect. So I’m giving her concerns some honest contemplation time. I also heard from another friend, Genesis finalist, who I respect. Her advice was to be true to my story. I know my main character is not sympathetic, but she’s relatable. She’s not a Christian, is angry with God, is self-centered, but she loves her friends and family, helps her colleagues and never says no to someone in need. She doesn’t always act appropriately, and often acts in anger, but she needs to be who she is so she can go on her journey. So she can hit bottom.

I know there’s tons of room for improvement, but I’ve exhausted all I know on this WIP. Next time I will do better. Biggest hope/prayer: That someone will see something in me and my WIP to want to invest in me. Biggest, biggest fear: That my biggest hope/prayer won’t happen.

But I’ll never know unless I get it out there!

I know it’s been a long time, and I should have updated this sooner, but I’ll give it my best shot and conclude what has turned into a series.

I tried to get a meeting with Chip MacGregor, but he was all booked. I put my name on a list in case something opened up. Later I returned 15 minutes early before my meeting with Steve Laube to go to the prayer room. I settled in, and opened the bible, but before I could really enage in anything spiritual, a friend comes in the room and calls me out. I had no clue why I would be ushered out of the prayer room, but she informed me Chip had an opening, now! So I gathered my stuff and thoughts and sat down with Chip. I don’t think I really pitched, but I do remember him reading my proposal and him making suggestions, correction my commas misplacement, me hoping my face wasn’t beat red, etc. I’m a visual person, so while the images of that meeting is etched in my memory, the conversation isn’t. The most important part is that he requested it!

When the meeting was over, I ran across the hall and met with Steve. He looked over my proposal and first chapter, gave me suggestions, and asked me to send it in. I know it’s a very abreviated version of what really happened, but the most important part of the meetings is that I felt very comfortable talking with both agents, and walked away feeling good about the meeting and the request.

Fast forward seven months and I’m still pounding away on the keys, tweaking, and fretting about actually sending this WIP out. After ACFW Steve emailed me. We emailed back and forth and the words that stuck with me was (and this is a loose quote) “a great book can’t be rushe.” Well, I haven’t rushed. And I hope my book is great. But there’s still a few more things I have to do before I can send it out!

When I last wrote I had mentioned I had a really great conversation with Steve Laube, one of the agents who liked my One Sheet in the late night chat and who I had an appointment with the next day. But I didn’t share any details.There’s not much to share on the writing side of things (yet!) because we didn’t talk WIP. There were several of us starting to gather in the lobby. Randy Ingermanson, Meredith Efken and I had already made ourselves comfortable. I sat in a lone chair and Meredith was on the couch. Then Steve arrived and sat down on the end of the couch which was next to where I was sitting. I can’t remember who struck up the conversation first, but we chatted about lots of things. Our common friend Rene Gutteridge, the time I was supposed to meet him and Rene at a small conference but instead the night before I was to leave, God asked me to give up writing. That led to a conversation about his family, my family, homeschooling, and why I started Writer…Interrupted. His engaging smile and genuine interest in what I was saying made me feel comfortable and like I was talking to an old friend.

Some time during the evening Chip MacGregor showed up and started Tango dancing with Meredith. It might have been during my conversation with Steve, but it was interesting to watch and learn that Chip was a ballroom dance instructor. Talk about your multi-layered character!

While he was dancing and well, being Chip, I thought about when I would have the time to talk with him about my WIP. A friend had referred me to him and we had chatted through email, but every time I saw him he was engaged in a conversation. And I wasn’t about to talk shop with him during the late night lobby chill session, so I just enjoyed the growing camaraderie in the group. I’m not sure what time it was when I started to drift, but I didn’t want to pull myself away from this fun group.

When Chip announced he was calling it a night, I decided to join him in the elevator for the ride up. It was a short three story ride, but with our frazzled brains we managed to squeak out a conversation. He remembered we needed to meet and I had to remind him that he liked my One Sheet in the late night chat. I told him I’d been trying to catch him but every time I saw him he was meeting with someone. He said he was just chatting with people, but I said I didn’t want to “jump on him.” He followed up in typical Chip fashion, “oh, you should have just jumped on me.”

He told me to catch him tomorrow and I did. But that’s another story for another day… and definitely worth waiting for!

It’s been over a month since I attended ACFW in Dallas and though the details are blurring, I want to try and get as much info down as I can.

Friday morning I arrived to breakfast to discover the tables were being hosted by editors and agents. In the past breakfast was more laid back, with agents/editors eating with their own and other attendees not frantically worried about pitching over coffee and danishes.

If I had known the tables were going to be hosted I would have gotten there earlier because there were a few editors/agents I wanted to meet. Instead I navigated the crowded dining room, carring my breakfast plate and ackwardly scanned the tables  for a seat with the desired agent/editor.

But I couldn’t find any.

I circled the room again, with my new goal of finding a friend…or a friendly face.

No luck.

Then I heard my name. Someone down in front. It came from Georgiana sitting at Chip MacGregor’s table, front and center of the auditorium.

Ironically, (or God-ordained) Chip was on that list of “wanted to talk with,” but I didn’t really want to talk with him over clattering breakfast dishes. I took the last seat available. Next to the empty seat designated for him. We all ate and talked and waited for Chip. And waited.

And waited.

Finally he arrived when praise and worship was about to start. He apologized for being late. Breakfast started at 7:45 instead of the usual 8:00 in past conferences. Not wanting to be rude, but also not wanting to hurt my already hurt neck by looking over my shoulder at the Praise and Worship leaders, I turned my chair toward the stage and apologized for having my back to him. He was still eating and didn’t seem to mind. Plus, I had several email conversations with Chip, and he knew I wanted to speak with him. That was just not the time!

The rest of the day was typical workshop attending, chatting with old and new friends and the beginning of information overload. After my 3:30 paid critique, I jumped in the car and headed to my sister’s. I really wanted to go out with some friends and just relax, but I already said I would visit my sister. So I skipped out on two sessions and left around 4:00.

It took me 2 hours to get from Dallas to Fort Worth. Thankfully, I had the GPS system which was one of the reasons I was going back to Ft. Worth. I thought my sister’s sister-in-law might need it, but mainly I thought it was the right thing to do.

After I got there, we had dinner and a nice time, but I have to admit I was watching the clock, anxious to get back for the late night lobby social hour. Two and a half hours later I was back on the road. This time it took me 45 minutes, and before I left my sister’s husband said I didn’t really need to come all this way since I was coming back on Sunday!

Now he tells me!

Anyway, when I got back I tried to sit in on a late night session, but I was past tired so I headed for the lobby where I had a really great conversation with Steve Laube, one of the agents who really liked my One Sheet in the late night chat and who I had an appointment with the next day.

What happened exactly?

That’s another story.

I had already signed up for the Agent Panel late night chat. I had already had my one sheet. I already email the moderator of the late night chat telling him I was going to submit it to the panel.

When I walked into the packed room, I already had second thoughts.

It was after the agent and editor panel. Agent after agent, editor after editor had just told the assembly what they were looking for.

Bottom line.

A story that moved them.

That’s where my doubts and insecurities began to bubble up. My story wasn’t deep enough to move anyone. It was rather hokey in my opinion. Yet, I said I was going to submit and what better way to get instant feedback from three of the top agents in the CBA.

I walked into the room, stomach in knots, and found a couple of friends feeling the same way. We sat next to each other, handed our one sheets in and waited.

The first review wasn’t so good or the author. They went into detail why they wouldn’t be interested and they gave their opinion tactfully. Next one, same fate. And the next. And the next. My nerves increased with every not so good review.

Then the agents grabbed a one sheet and smiled. They read the title and tag line and the room chuckled.

It was MY one sheet!

Miracles or miracles. They liked the title. They like the tagline. They like the concept. They liked the layout!

To say I was relieved would be an understatement. I was thrilled.

After all my doubts and insecurities. Fears and second guessing, they liked it.

In fact, the agent (whom I had an appointment with later on in the week) said, “I’m meeting with her. Don’t talk to anyone else!”

If the conference had ended right there I think I would have gotten my money’s worth. It’s just the encouragement I needed to know I was on the right track, though as slow as it may be.

They went through about 30 or so other one sheets, ironically liking the ones of the people sitting in my row!

I don’t know if it was luck, grace or talent that caught the attention of the agents. But whatever it was, I’ll take it.

Later in the week I met with two of the three agents. Did they still like my concept? Did they want to represent me?

I’ll save that for next time!

It was late when I finally arrived at ACFW. I had driven for over five hours and then visited with my sister in Fort Worth at the hospital. After making two treks from the car to the hotel room, I was tired. But not tired enough to change into my Writer…Interrupted T-shirt and head down to the lobby to see who was hanging out.

The lobby was buzzing with conference arrivals and those who had already settled into the lobby social hour. I immediately said hello the edgy inspirational author aka Michelle Sutton, and Meredith Efken who were chatting away. Later I sat down with Meredith to chat for a while. The subject matter escapes me, but it’s the feeling of camaraderie and connection that I remember.

A crowd started to gather around our little area. We were on the couch, but I noticed several others gathered in a semi-circle around a gentleman in a chair. My memory is a little fuzzy, but I remember Camy Tang, Randy Ingermanson, and Sarah Anne Sumpolec being in the group laughing and talking.

I got up to greet some more friends and when I returned, Meredith had joined the little group. I was fading fast, so I plopped down on the couch next the to man in the chair who was engaged in conversation with the growing group.

Then unexpectedly, he turned to me and asked me my name. He held out his hand, and I shook it and said, “Gina Conroy, and you are?”

The looks and giggles from “the group” surrounding him were memorable. I heard him say Jim something and then someone said, “He’s the key note speaker.” Call me slow… I’d just asked James Scott Bell who he was!!

When I got a good look at him he did look like his picture. I guess it was the location and pose that threw me off.

Jim was a good sport and said something like it being good for his ego! Then Camy bragged on me and my Writer…Interrupted site. Thanks Camy! Surprisingly enough I didn’t get embarrassed and I milked it as a running joke for the rest of the conference. When I would see him in passing I would stick out my hand and say, “And your name is?” He’d shake it and give me a false name.

Like I said in previous posts on this blog. When I’m around other writers, even famous ones, I become a different person. I think I become the person God had designed me all along to be, before the crud and baggage of life crept in. I like the person who I am when I’m around other writers. I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not, I’m just me!

And it feels good!

More fun with James!

I mentioned in a previous post how the day before I was to attend the ACFW I get a phone call that my sister had a heart attack. It was odd, but I had no concern for my sister’s health, just a peace that everything would be alright.Still the news posed several obstacles. Thankfully she lived 45 minutes from where the conference was being held so I would be able to see her AND attend the conference. Definitely a God thing.

But transportation was going to be an issue. I was supposed to ride down with a friend in her car, but then how would I get to my sister’s. I didn’t want to drive her big Suburban and I didn’t want to rent a car. So I thought, “How about if I drive?” I offered the idea to a friend, but because of car obligations on Friday night (one of our riding mates committed to drive two other ladies out to dinner Friday night and couldn’t get a hold of them) that wasn’t going to work. My initial reaction was frustration and hurt. I felt my immediate need was much greater than driving people to dinner on Friday night, and though I couldn’t understand the logic in it, I chose not to hold on to my bitterness. I wasn’t excited about the alternative of driving to Dallas alone, but it worked out for the best. I was able to stay even longer at my sisters so all things did work together for good.

On Wednesday morning I left by myself (sniffle). Driving to ACFW with my roommate has been a tradition for three years. It’s the one time we really get to talk and connect about life, family and writing. I missed that driving alone. Maybe that’s one of the reason’s I felt a little disconnected at the conference.

Since I was driving up early and nothing was happening Wednesday night, I decided to drive straight to the hospital in Fort Worth. I was a little sad and disappointed I would miss out on the socializing and dinner outings Wednesday night, but I figured if I left the hospital early enough there’d be plenty of time for hanging out.

When I saw my sister she looke and acted normal, except for the hospital gown. She told me the story of what actually happened and how she learned her right coronary artery was 100% blocked, just like my dads.

Apparently on Monday evening after dinner she felt a lot of pain in her chest. She started to get nauseous and was sweating. The pain was crushing like an elephant was sitting on her chest. Then it passed. She thought it odd and potentially serious, but since it passed she started to get ready for bed. Then it happened again and she was flat on her back with the same symptoms. It passed again. Her husband offered to take her to the hospital, but her daughter was sleeping and she didn’t want to drag her out of bed. (Just like a mom!) So she went through the night with pain in her chest. She wasn’t able to sleep. The next morning after she put her daughter on the bus to school, they went to the heart center and gave her all sorts of tests.

Her EKG, cholesterol, and blood pressure were fine. But her spiked enzymes told the truth. She had a heart attack at 36 years old.

A heart attack at 36. Yes, she was a smoker. Not anymore. If a heart attack at 36 doesn’t help you kick the habit, nothing else will.

I spent some time with her talking and laughing and reminiscing, then I drove to the hotel where I had a unique introduction to James Scott Bell, the conferences Key Note Speaker. But I’ll save that story for next time!

I can’t believe it’s only five days until conference. FIVE DAYS! Where has the time gone? It feels like I’ve been polishing and typing and fixing and writing my proposal for MONTHS. And I have!

I still have a few more things to tweak, and I managed to crank out a pretty decent nonfiction proposal as well! So we’ll see what happens at ACFW! It’s not by my might or power, but by God’s.

May His will, not mine be done in my life. (Do you know how hard that is to pray for a control freak?)

Blessings!